so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
