I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
