Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
