had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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