Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
