I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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