I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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