before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
