Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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