maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
