I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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