I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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