I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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