when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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