i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
