So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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