redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
