I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i think im in europe. pls send help
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
