I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
