i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So much rum. So many feels.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize