a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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