Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
