her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
