we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
