Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
