If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
