do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
