I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
