i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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