I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
