Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
