ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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