i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
