I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
