This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
