Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
