elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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