she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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