i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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