I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
