i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
