forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
