come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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