remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize