I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
