i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
