just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
