Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
