He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
