I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
