Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize