I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"it" just moved
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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