i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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