It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
