..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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