you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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