god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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