The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
