in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize