They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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