Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
