don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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