I'm eating all of the evidence.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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