I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
