Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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