My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED