I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?