Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
high people should be assigned attendants
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today