you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad