Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots