No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
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My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck