you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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